I’ve been struggling to change my life these few years. I traveled around the world by myself for six month to change my life two years ago. I spent all of my saving and quit the job.
Apparently, it’s huge risk.
But I believed that big decision changed my life.
Nothing is more risky than doing something and fail, right?
Then, I put myself into action to know if it was true. After the daring adventure, my life changed. I learned the importance of being who I really am, believing in myself. Since then, I’ve been challenging myself to go further.
I have been thinking that it’s impossible to live my own life all the time, because life is a series of compromises. Right? If we are happy by compromises, it’s fine. Keep on doing that. But if not,we need to change something.
From my point of view, Most of the people don’t seem to be satisfied with their lifes. They just keep on waiting something to fill their emptiness. Then, some people started addicting to what seems like happiness, such as alcohol, smoking, gambles, tons of money and so on.
They misunderstand that these kind of things make them happy. Nevertheless, They never lead us to a happy life. On the contrary, They lead us to a miserable life. Truths of life started dawning on me after lots of obstacles. We have to create our lives if we’re not happy with it. Because nothing will happen if we keep on waiting for something which make us happy.
And to created our lives, we need to listen our own voices. We tend to ignore our own voices in everyday life. Because we fear to be different than other people. We are always afraid of what other people think about ourselves. I was like that before. But don’t believe that! It’s not true! If they are satisfied with their own lives, they never criticize and mean to you! Those people are just hiding from themselves by finding your weaknesses. So just let them go and keep walking your own path!
Actually, since I decided to follow my heart and keep on believing myself, my life turned upside down in the positive way. I started meeting many like-minded and happy people.
I’ll never met those people if I’d been just standing still. I could meet them because I took action! Even though you’re worried about you are not understood by anyone now, don’t worry! Just keep on doing. You can find your soul mates on the way to achieve your dream. We can change our lives even though it looks so hard at that moment.
I want to prove that for the rest of my life and I’ve already proved that in some parts of my life. Because I’ve gone through a lot in my life and I’m here now.
Let me tell you about my life here. When I was a kid, I was quiet and introvert. So I couldn’t talk to the other children and I often spent time alone. Some bullied me and treated me badly in the elementary school. I couldn’t adapt to being in a group. I was afraid of the other children. I underestimated myself and overestimated the other people at that time. I didn’t smile so much and I was sitting still in the class during recess.
Maybe I was waiting someone talk to me. Sometimes, I went to a toilet and cried out. I hoped that I could exchange my life with the other children’s. I didn’t tell my parents about my school life, because I knew that although I did it, they wouldn’t have done anything for me. I was feeling like they wouldn’t be interested in my school life. Maybe they didn’t afford caring children. Because from my point of view, they weren’t born in a good environment. So they had also been struggling in live.
My parents often argued and my mother blamed on my father, because she compared her life with the other people’s and her husband to the other people’s. I just kept on waiting the bad life pass and believing that everything would change some day in my life in those days.
My father passed away suddenly when I was 18 years old. He committed. Maybe he couldn’t adapt himself to be in normal of society. After that, my mother started blaming me badly. She has always believed that her happiness comes from the other people or having lots of stuff, such as good husband, good children, good job, good environment and so on.
After my father passed away, I became an university student. I sometimes hung out with friends. Then, she started blaming me for that without reason. So I didn’t want to go home. Because she used to blame me and it made me feel sad. When I was 22 years old, I got a boyfriend. As he was really nice and warm-hearted, I felt peaceful mind with him. I’ve never felt like this before with my family.
I had a relationship with him for five years and got married to him. I wanted to have a warm and good family. I thought that I could have a different life than the one parents had. But it didn’t last long.
Our marriage fell apart only in three years. I couldn’t adapt myself to his family. The reason is that our background was totally different than that of them. I lost the family I’ve dreamed of all the time. After that, I got back to my mom’s house. She blamed me a lot and spoke ill of me to the other people all the time. And my brother blamed me in a the terrible way and tried to hit my face twice. Maybe they just took out their stress on me.
But I couldn’t leave home soon at that time. I didn’t have the courage to do so. Even if I wasn’t happy with her, I was more afraid of uncertainness than unhappy certainness. But a few years later, I came to think that I had to do something to change my life. Because nothing had changed, although I’ve been waiting for so long.
Additionally, I thought that my life would be much worse unless I did something. I couldn’t hold it anymore. Not only because of family problems, but also some people around me. Apparently, I hit the bottom of my life.
But I come to think of it, these hardships were blessing in disguise. Because I started to think how to change myself and my life seriously after those hardships.
I started to believing myself instead other people.
I started to saying what I want to say.
I started to do what I want to do.
All of them were a kind of experiment to see what’ll happen in the future. I thought that even if I made a failure after the experiment, I’ll lose anything. Because I already hit the bottom. Then, I traveled around the world.
After that, I’ve lived in Malaysia and now I’m in Japan and live in a shared house. I kept on having a faith that I can change my life. I don’t think that all of my challenges succeeded. World travel was much harder than I expected and I was in debt for a while after that. Nevertheless, I took action many times to step out of my comfort zone to improve my life.
After all, it doesn’t matter whether I fail or not. The most important thing is challenge. I’m sure now that many challenges I did these few years changed my life. I want to prove that I can change my life as I already mentioned above.
What’s more, I want to prove that I was right against those people who used to tell me that I was not good enough, because I was different! I want to say them that I’m different as you said someday. But in the good way! It’s my revenge. But it’s a good revenge!!